


Raw

by saltiie



Series: idol au [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bodyguard Shiro, Idol AU, M/M, Mentions of past, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), i wanna say I'm sorry but, idol keith, plot gets heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 23:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15424038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltiie/pseuds/saltiie
Summary: They are lost in a universe of just each other, stuck in their own orbit as it settles, pulling them in before Keith’s letting out a breath, and Shiro wants to chase it--catch it--follow it back to its origin as they share the air between them. His eyes are unable to pull away from Keith’s gaze for longer than a few short glances to Keith’s lips, but then he catches them moving and his attention flickers back up to Keith’s visage once more. In reality their faces are just barely inches apart, however, neither seem to notice or care.They’re in their own little world, and Shiro’s is rocked when he hears what Keith says next in the softest of utterances before the singer is turning and leaving, like a warm summer breeze before winter sets in.





	Raw

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy ! lemme know if anything needs changing !  
> if you're interested in the song that Keith is singing it's inspired by whisper by dave baxter, so give that a listen if you want some extra feels.
> 
> ( in which shiro wants to hope, but also dosen't want to get his hopes up. )

Shiro could feel it in the air. 

Something was different, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint just what the exact feeling was. Anticipation? Or perhaps he was too deep in his own head. Something in the air was shifting and it left him unsure if he should feel uneasy for the events soon to unfold. For the most part he pushes aside his sudden concern and goes back to his usual routine. Keith has another live performance tonight so he has to be on guard and make sure that he was prepared for everything. 

  
  
He meets up with Keith and things seem mostly normal in the beginning. It’s only when trained eyes trail over the other’s form that shiro takes note of the unconscious ticks; the shrug of a slim shoulder often followed by the twitch of nervous fingers. The idol was giving off a sense of confident ease like most performance nights, but, shiro could tell there was still an underlying tension deep beneath their usual pre-show banter and the coy looks sent his way. 

 

Keith seemed on edge about tonight -- like there was definitely something going on something just beneath the surface. Shiro plays it off as being a remainder of his strange morning or that he had just gone to bed too late the night before and this was his own minds warning that sleep deprivation did not pair well with a job of this caliber     
  
It’s only after a few songs in that everything around the stage changes, lights dimming and growing softer, more intimate, and with this change Shiro suddenly realises two things. 

 

First, he had been right about tonight's performance being different than the rest.Second, he wasn’t nearly as prepared as he had originally thought.

  
Shiro’s unease only grows further as Keith doesn’t meet his eyes when he walks onto stage like he did for the three previous songs. Instead, he’s holding onto his own hand while wringing his fingers together as if to steady his nerves as he makes his way toward the small stool placed before the grand piano center stage. Thousands of eyes watch as Keith sets himself on stage, the whole atmosphere having changed significantly compared to the bright lights and fluid dances only moments before. Even the audience can tell the mood has shifted as everyone seems to hang on bated breath at this sudden change.    
  
Shiro’s sole attention is given to the singer, his eyes drawn to every little movement Keith makes-- the way the younger adjusts himself on the seat, hands fumbling slightly as they hover over spruce keys, eyelashes fluttering shut in a moment of feigned peace. He can tell immediately that yes, keith is definitely nervous, but the cause as to why still eludes him as he looks on. Even after being separated for most of their adolescent years, shiro still finds it easy to read the other like a well beloved book; one in which whose pages he often found himself lost in through their childhood spent together.     
  
Another quiet moment passes before Keith seems to gather his thoughts, sending a shaky smile to the audience as he leans toward the mic. His hands reach out to gently hold the microphone in place, licking his lips in one last moment of nerves before speaking. “ This song is for--...about…” He clears his throat and sighs softly into the mic, eyes closing briefly before continuing. “This song is about someone special.” He addresses it simply, curing some small string of curiosity in the audience before he’s pressing into the keys of the piano and any words or thoughts are ripped from Shiro’s consciousness. He can see the effect that Keith has on the crowd, watching as they stand silently in awe as the piano rings through the stadium. It’s….far more different than any other song he’s heard from Keith and it tugs at his heart; like a thread pulled too tightly.

 

There’s a rawness to Keith’s voice, like he’s unravelling with each note sung, and it only serves to render the whole room speechless. His words are of regrets, of chances lost to the years of distance, and Shiro’s not even sure what to say,  _ what to think _ . He watches on with wide eyes and a fluttering chest--his ears feeling warm but he doesn’t know why--as Keith melds his feelings into a beautifully crafted picture, the lyrics brimming with memories only Keith can see playing out behind closed eyes.   
  
Shiro’s never seen him so willingly open--never seen him lay himself out so bare and to such a raw extent--and he wonders why the song was written and  _ who  _ or  _ what  _ it was about. So many questions growing and brewing beneath his skin but he bites down on them while physically biting into the inside of his cheek to ground himself.

 

It’s an intimate visage that Keith is showing to a large group and Shiro almost wants to feel jealous, wants to hide this moment away for his eyes only - but that’s selfish, and he shuts those thoughts down as quickly as the feeling builds. Thoughts like that would get him nowhere, but the tugging still remains, and there’s familiarity dancing somewhere in the narrative that Keith’s painting with his words on stage. The story morphs and he watches as Keith’s body tenses and relaxes through the chorus and verses, all the way until the notes build up to a high and soften toward it’s ending.    
  
It’s only when Keith moves back away from the microphone with the last notes of the piano dying out, bleeding into the silence, that his body finally sags as if he’s just had a huge weight lifted off of his chest. To the untrained eye the singer seems at ease, happy with the performance given, but Shiro was trained to pick out what others often missed; to pay attention to the finer details. One glance at Keith told him the other was taut, his body still filled to the brim with tension. Shiro watches as Keith walks off stage, head down and shoulders stiff, and passed him. He catches Keith’s eyes for only a fleeting moment before the younger is tearing his gaze away and Shiro can’t stifle the sense of nervousness mixing with dread as they dance and tangle with the butterflies in his stomach.

 

His mind is still reeling as it tries to process Keith’s song fully when he begins to doubt if he should follow the idol into his dressing room like he often does after every performance. His legs feel like jelly as he finally moves and Shiro is sure his hands are still a shaking mess as he slides passed the door and into the room, watching with concerned eyes as keith stands motionless in the center of the room. To Shiro, he seems like he’s not sure what to do now - what to say - after he’s bared himself so vulnerable on stage like that.   
  
_ He seems lost. _

 

Shiro swallows thickly as the sound of the door closing behind him rings through the room louder than he anticipated. The awkwardness inside is so palpable he feels as if he’s being compressed on all sides, making it harder to breathe, harder to speak up to break the silence stretching between them. He’s just as lost for words as Keith seems to be, his thoughts running a mile a minute as he watches the slim outline of keith’s back as the younger takes a deep breath in, shoulders seeming to rise and fall with grace. 

  
The song had been for someone special and about something Keith regrets from his past and Shiro isn’t sure what to do with that information. It was something that clearly had affected Keith deeply, and Shiro feels his mouth well up with a sense of bitterness that almost shocks him. The green eyed monster rears its head once more as his thoughts go over and over that one sentence. This... _ person _ had caused such a raw emotion from Keith, something Shiro himself had never experienced or seen displayed.    
  
He doesn’t know why he’s jealous -  or that’s at least what he wants to tell himself. There’s denial in that, he knows it all too well. If he’s being honest with himself he doesn’t know if he wants the song to be about himself -though he would never, ever, willingly want to be the cause of regret for Keith-, or if he simply wishes he could inspire such complex emotions in the singer.    
  


Shiro wishes he could swallow this jealousy down and bury it deep within himself, but he finds his mouth moving, speaking before his mind even has a chance to process everything because the silence is  _ deafening  _ and it’s hard to think.

 

“So….it was for someone special, huh ?” He wants to wince,  _ his tone is all wrong _ \--trying too hard to be casual--but there’s the telltale sign of something deeper beneath. He wants to rewind, to take it back, but his eyes are on Keith as the younger stays still, silent, and looking like he might bolt at any second. Shiro almost speaks again, lips parting to try and defuse the situation, explain that he should just ignore the question, Keith didn’t need to answer it if he wasn’t comfortable. In fact, maybe he should just go -   
  
But Keith’s moving now before shiro can even finish his last train of thought, letting out a sigh so quiet Shiro barely catches it over the raging storm of emotions in his own head. He watches as keith turns to him fully, unexpectedly letting out a noise of frustration and moving his hands into his hair. Shiro feels himself softening at the sudden change of mood, taking steps in closer before he’s stepping closer, hesitating for a moment as his hand reaches out to hover over Keith’s. He takes a steadying breath before he’s pulling his hand back, choosing not to overstep his boundaries.   
  
He laughs softly, in the back of his throat, but it’s emptier than normal and in his gut he knows Keith can tell. “ Allura’s not going to be happy if you do that.” He motions towards the others now messy hair, expecting to be met with a reply, something coy, but now it’s just met with more silence and Shiro’s dreading that he’s done something wrong when Keith remains stiff and steadfastly not meeting his eyes.

 

Almost instantly shiro worries that he’s ruined things. Their friendship was something he cherished greatly, tended to it like it was something to be treasured, something precious. There’s a dread in his stomach growing as he thinks he’s screwed up. He’s pushed too hard at this wall that Keith’s put up and now he’s paying for it.    
  
He’s about to apologise, but Keith is suddenly moving--lifting his head-- and the world stops in its tracks as he finally meets Shiro eye to eye. The look is far, far, different than what Shiro is used to seeing, but it calls back memories from their past that well up behind his eyes. He can see the way Keith’s eyes glimmer, the way frustration eats away at him. He can see, now, that his walls are coming down and suddenly Shiro’s feeling a shock of nostalgia that seems to steal more than just air from his lungs.    
  
The glance only lasts for so long before Keith is turning his head to the side, long eyelashes hanging low as they fluttered against smooth cheekbones, blocking such vulnerability from shiro as they concealed his eyes. “ It was someone….dear to me. Someone I-.” The frustration is back in his voice, so raw, as he tries to work things out. It’s something that stirs familiarity in Shiro, giving him flashbacks of a simpler time in their lives. Keith is still struggling, unable to find the right words to convey his exact feelings in the proper way. He was always better with expressing his words through song than anything else. It was still a vague answer to his question, but it settles something in Shiro--if only a little--because he knows Keith’s  _ trying _ .

 

There is another--albeit smaller--bout of silence between them, and Shiro is unsure whether he should dismiss the conversation completely or give Keith time to think. Before he can really make that decision it’s already made for him when Keith clears his throat quietly and he’s looking up--a galaxy in his eyes--and Shiro thinks he could get lost in them all over again.   
  
He’s swallowing thickly once more as he takes a step forward without realising; Keith’s beckoning him over with his stare alone and Shiro’s weak to the call. Like a lost sailor at night, he’s being drawn in by a siren, unsure if he’s going to be pulled down and drowned, but he doesn’t really care right now. Keith’s speaking again and any thoughts ultimately leave him.   
  
“I wrote the song a while back “, he starts, and his voice is soft--quiet--and so unlike how keith portrays himself in his everyday life. Shiro watches on, biting his lip as they only gravitate even closer to each other. 

“ I was at a point in my life where I realized…. _ I had really messed up _ .” and he’s wringing his fingers a second time; nerves returning as the distance between their bodies shrinks. 

“--messed up one of the best things I had going. I got stuck in a cycle,thinking about the past, thinking about my decisions, on things I had said… _ and didn’t say _ .”. 

Shiro notices how Keith is shifting on the spot, like he wants to move or look away but he’s not letting himself.

“ That one moment in particular….it stands out. It always stuck with me.”

 

It’s this that makes Shiro let out a curious little noise, something slight and barely there because he’s scared it would shatter whatever  _ this  _ was. He’s feeling a traitorous inkling of hope bubble up in his chest, spreading out like a warmth to the tips of his fingers. He’s been holding his breath the whole time and with the way Keith looks at him it’s like there is no one else in the world. It’s something that has Shiro buzzing and he’s almost ready to ask Keith what else, what more--begging him to continue.    
  
However, it’s like that small inkling of hope is enough to break whatever spell was cast on them. He watches as Keith’s eyes widen, as if he’s caught himself from something; watches as realization dawns on his face before those beautiful, endless eyes full of stars are moved away and Keith’s closed off once more.    
  
Shiro feels his heart sink at the sight of the idol shrinking into himself, worry gnawing at his insides until he’s sure nothing will be left once it’s done. Was he being closed out? Keith is pulling away now and Shiro knows it’s not his fault directly but he still feels like he’s played a major part in all of this. The feeling grows and it curls inside of him until it rests at the back of his mind, allowing him to ignore it and focus on Keith.    
  
“...Haa-… sorry I just, uh, I’m really bad at this.” Keith sighs, clearly overwhelmed from emotions giving the way he’s roughly rubbing at the back of his neck. He seems tense all over again, but Shiro still finds himself--despite the rollercoaster of a day--completely and utterly enamoured by the singers every move. He understands now that the younger isn’t trying to keep anything from him, he’s just not sure how to physically express it all. Keith needs time, and Shiro is more than willing to give him all the time in the world. 

 

They are lost in a universe of just each other, stuck in their own orbit as it settles, pulling them in before Keith’s letting out a breath, and Shiro wants to chase it--catch it--follow it back to its origin as they share the air between them. His eyes are unable to pull away from Keith’s gaze for longer than a few short glances to Keith’s lips, but then he catches them moving and his attention flickers back up to Keith’s visage once more. In reality their faces are just barely inches apart, however, neither seem to notice or care.They’re in their own little world, and Shiro’s is rocked when he hears what Keith says next in the softest of utterances before the singer is turning and leaving, like a warm summer breeze before winter sets in. 

 

The stage is calling and the show must go on.    
  
It’s hours later that the ringing of Keith’s voice continues to echo through Shiro’s mind as he lays back on his bed. He’s a rumpled mess, hands covering his face, and Keith’s eyes--the softness and tenderness--play behind his eyelids as he thinks back to it like he is playing the memory on repeat. It leaves him breathless, warming his body to the core, and he can’t help it when the words themselves make a sense of melancholy curl around his heart as he utters it softly in a poor mimicry of the voice in his head.   
  
_ “Now my only regret is not being able to express it to them clearly.” _

**Author's Note:**

> heads up; the next one shot in the series should clear up some of the questions that might be had after reading this.


End file.
